obeying the law.

Here's the story.

I've been praying for the Lord to show me areas of my life (big, small, and even those microscpoic areas that I forget about) that I need to change. Wait, that sounds bad. Areas of my life that don't honor the Lord for whatever reason. Well, you pray something like that, and leave it to God to begin to work. Prayers like that are quite bold. Now I know why people never pray for patience or humility... ;)

Anyway, if you know me at all, you know I have a lead foot. I'm always in a hurry, always on the go. I never stop to enjoy the ride, so Monday morning, what do I do? Hop in my car to race across town to my apartment to get ready for work. Well, because I was half asleep, I look up in the rear-view mirror long enough to see a sweet little cop car. Of course, in a matter of 5 seconds I convince myself that He's just admiring the view of the lake, until I see those blue lights. 

Well, I was indeed speeding. A lot. And as I grumbled and unwillingly took my deserved speeding ticket, I drove off just talking out loud to the Lord, as if he were riding shotgun. Laughing as I type this, I remember saying, "Dang it, God. It's MONDAY. Monday! Lord, I know I should probably be learning something here, but come on! It's 7 in the morning and I haven't even had coffee..." Yeah, you get it. I was being a whiny little girl. I always hated those, and here I am, 21 being one to my Heavenly Father. So then I'm just silent the rest of the drive to my apartment, radio off, taking in the silence. Then, I hear the Lord say to me, "Hebrews 12. I discipline you because I love you." Then, I start firing off my whine-bag comments again, to which I am quieted by His words in scripture. 

"In your struggle against sin (in my case, obeying the law) you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding of your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son (or daughter)."
-Hebrews 12:4-7
"God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." -Hebrews 12:10b

So. Lesson learned? I think so, and I am left to say praise God for traffic violations, for they make me more like Him. May I learn to submit to the law here on Earth as I learn to submit to the law and commands of my Heavenly Father. He disciplines, so that we can share in His holiness, so if a traffic violation is what it takes to set me on my way, thank you Lord. I've missed the mark so many times, and I am thankful He doesn't give up on me. 

His, Rach.

Jen Wilkin's Blog

Jen Wilkin speaks at Breakaway Ministry, which is a campus ministry at Texas A&M. She has led "All Women's Breakaway" for the past 2 years. A friend recommended her messages to me. After I heard her speak, I started following her blog. This woman never ceases to encourage me, although she will never know who I am. Today, her blog hits home. I've struggled for the majority of my life with my roots, but praise God that he is sovereign over every small stitch and seam that makes up my life. Every little detail is not wasted, but it's for His glory alone.

Be encouraged that is faithful to redeem the broken.

-Rach

http://jenwilkin.blogspot.com/2013/07/hope-for-broken-home.html

coffee and comfort

I've been making this deal with myself to get up before the birds every morning. I put some inspirational tid-bit as my phone background so I'll immediately see it at 6am, be riled up with motivation, and spring out of bed to spend hours doing a morning quiet time. 

Well, come 6am this morning, the back of my eyelids looked more appealing than the Word of God. So, even in my good intentions, I rolled back over and slept for another hour. How sad, right? Then when I woke up the second time, I began praying, asking God to forgive me for being so dadgum lazy. 

Pulling myself out of bed, I started the pot of coffee and got halfway ready for the day. Sipping on my cup of coffee, still half asleep on my couch, I began to think about who Christ was. I began to think about the countless mornings where I roll back over instead of praying. I began to beat myself up about my sin and feel about as tall as a coffee grain. I decided that was enough for one morning. I opened my bible and begged God to give me some sort of comfort. Here's what I got.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

 they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

-Lamentations 3:22-24

So, if you're like me, beating yourself up for sleeping, take heart. Pray for God to give you discipline and a desire to meet with Him. My prayer for myself is that just spending time with the Lord is enough to get me up in the morning. Can you imagine? Lord, may it be so. Take heart. His mercy is new this morning, even if I wasn't awake to see the sun. Let Him be your portion today. Wait on Him. 

-Rach

honest heart.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18

This life is hard. As I stared at my baby sister today through my car window, God broke my heart over my own sinfulness.Sometimes, I hate that God created me so emotional, because getting choked up over the God of the universe at a snow-cone stand definitely wasn't on my to-do list. But, God doesn't always work the way my little controlling mind would want Him to. He's the creator of snow-cones, cars, disease, doctors offices, crying babies, and my own sinful heart. 

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;" -2 Corinthians 4:7-8

Last night as I'm laying in bed, I just let God have it. I told Him what I thought about everything. God knit me together, so I know He already intimately knows my sinful, doubting heart. I laid there in the darkness, crying out to the God who I know has walked with my all of my days. His hand in my life has been so evident, that you would think I would trust Him as he continues to lead my family through the unknown with my sister's illness, but I just can't let it go. I lay there, in the quietness, yelling and screaming through my prayers, begging God for answers, for wisdom, and for something to help me rest. You know what he whispers in that voice I've grown to know? "Wait." Yep. Wait. 

And then, as I laid there in the quiet and shut my own mouth, I began to think about Jesus. I began to think about how God had this perfect plan for this world, and then because of sin, His plan began to look different. He created us in His own image, which means perfectly, and because of sin, we weren't holy anymore. We weren't like Him. Because of that, because God loved me, you, and everyone else He created so much, He sent Jesus down to earth. God with us, God in the flesh, He came and lived a perfect life in this messed up, imperfect world, becoming the atonement for a sinful people. Christ was crucified for all of our sins, but because even death couldn't hold Him down, He rose again to sit at the right hand throne of God. And then, as I'm preaching the Gospel to myself, I see how small I am in comparison to that. 

I'm so selfish to think this life is about myself. Scripture is plain and clear about the purpose of my life. It's to glorify God. God created my little sister to glorify Himself. She was diagnosed with Dystonia 2 years ago for His glory. When the disease takes over her earthly body, causing her so much pain, agony, and grief, that, too is for His glory. When I watch my family unravel because of the uncertainty, it's for His glory. 

I don't understand His plan. I don't understand disease, disabilities, or sickness. One thing I do understand, however, is that when I stared at my sister today, I saw my own brokenness. I saw my own need for a Savior, and maybe that sounds selfish. As much as I want to understand, I know God will give me and my family our portion for each day. He will meet all of our needs and he knows our hearts. 

So in the uncertainty, because I serve one who is always Certain, I can find rest. I can lay my head down tonight and know that God isn't just winging it. He's mapping everything out to glorify Himself, and I pray He makes himself greatly known through the life of my sister and also through my own ignorance. 

Until we leave this sinful and broken world, I will be grateful for the good moments and learn to trust.

To God be the glory. Forever and ever, come what may.